Interviews by Roshni Shah || Artwork by Meghna Banker
When the pandemic hit in March of 2020, healthcare professionals responded to this call of duty, willingly sacrificing their own safety and well-being to protect their community. As the pandemic continued, however, and the crumbling U.S. healthcare system failed to adequately support these frontline workers, the hollowing echo of being called a “healthcare hero” felt empty. The label of “hero” stripped them of any humanity and removed the capacity to serve patients with the qualities that are truly heroic- a gentle touch, compassionate patience, and human comfort.
What made these professionals true heroes was their capacity to be fully human with their patients- from teaching to research to holding hands or translating care or acting as an emotional support to a scared child or gentle hand in a large, loud emergency room.
The world continues to live on, but the impact of Covid-19 will never be forgotten for those on the frontlines. The stories of these healthcare professionals were collected and shared to create a space to reflect on the multifaceted experience of being a South Asian American on the frontlines and their hearts behind hidden faces that compromised such a scary moment in our history. It is important that we as a community pause to remember the sacrifices and losses that were made to ensure we can support the transition of our trauma into an opportunity to heal.
Minal Ahson
Associate Professor and Hospitalist in Internal Medicine and Pediatrics
Listen to the full interview
Associate Professor and Hospitalist in Internal Medicine and Pediatrics
Listen to the full interview
Superpower:
Faith
“One aspect of our faith is that you know things that happen in our lives is part of our our test in this life, so sometimes when I'm going through these difficult situations I have to kind of look at the long term plan and and see that okay, this is all kind of a temporary phase and this is part of my test.”
Humanity:
Fear
“We would have multiple families that we to call every day to explain what was going on and it's very hard for families to grasp how sick someone is when they're not there and they can't see them.You know their loved one walked out alert and awake when they left the house but now is on a ventilator and sedated and not responding and I think that is very difficult to convey with just words.”
Superpower:
Perseverance
“I have to say these 2 years have been some of the worst in my life. Nurses are very used to people dying, we get exposed to it a whole lot more than any other population but it doesn't make it any easier. Not only are you sick and you're not feeling well but you're so isolated from everyone except us -the staff- that's at the hospital- we're the 1 link they have to the outside world.”
Humanity:
Purpose
“It's about me taking care of these patients like that's what I want to do. You know you realize that you make these sacrifices in your work and in your personal life.This whole pandemic is made into a political thing and not a public health thing which is what it is.”
Superpower:
Humility
“Never think you're above anyone else because we're not, we're all, we're all human beings here.”
Humanity:
Curiosity
“I remember my first patient and not knowing what to do, I was ready to go into the room but I was also terrified because I didn't know what this was. I also think it really sucks that we have our faces covered up when we have to do it because I think a lot of human emotion is expressed through facial expressions and we lost that.”
Superpower:
Fortitude
“You don't just live for yourself, but you're living to raise up your entire community.”
Humanity:
Fatigue
“We had people dying over and over and over again and we didn't have enough staff, so we were wheeling them to the morgue ourselves and it's not easy when a patient dies in the first place- but I don't think the public fully comprehends they're not just dying from covid– It's also from these gunshot wounds, also from these protests that are happening, also from regular things. All these things are happening and nothing is changing policy-wise, like nothing is changing systematically and literally the one good thing that I thought was going to happen was that it would create a revolution in how we delivered care.”
Superpower:
Purpose
“There's such such clarity of why I'm doing what I'm doing- that is the coping mechanism that enables everything else. It's a privilege. I have always had the luxury of approaching healthcare solely as a passion and as a calling. An event like covid is a chance to roll up one's sleeves and do what we were trained to do. I'm Grateful for what I get to do.”
Humanity:
Wonder
“There was SO much wonder at people coming together, at people's resilience, at families and workers and even in terms of our collective response, right? For all the failures, there's been some phenomenal aspects that we really should look at with wonder.”
Superpower:
Compassion
“I lost my mom during the pandemic and I wasn't able to say goodbye to her in the way that I had always thought that I would. So it made me very very sensitive to patients who were either experiencing loss or going to experience loss and having to do that by themselves. and so I tried to take more time to be next to them when they're taking their final breaths or be next to them when they're scared. All the things that we rely on for comfort when we're sick.”
Humanity:
Frustration
“I remember going to work every day coming home with mask marks and the mask being embedded into my face because I've been wearing it all day. I have patient after patient after patient, like I couldn't even take my mask off to take a drink of water to go eat lunch. It was just exhausting.”
Superpower:
Grit
“You go home. You eat, go to sleep, you go back. My kids would complain why I was always gone. It's not the money, it’s not the bonus. You felt bad for your own nurses. It was survival at that point, some days only four of us were there.”
Humanity:
Grief
“I Just think about the number of body bags I put out there, those poor people did not have a chance… that's what sucks - we didn’t know what we know now. If (my coworker) would still be alive? If all these patients could have survived? No one knew what was happening behind closed doors.”
Superpower:
Justice
“I was hoping that this would highlight how well universal healthcare works because covid care was universal, you didn't have to segregate people into different hospitals based on insurance status. there would be no one hospital that is always full all the time.
Humanity:
Clarity
“I think when it started being community transmitted it became very evident that the way that our society is structured is leading to people getting diseases and that's that's a lot more clear in infectious diseases.”
Superpower:
Reciprocity
“I think everybody was doing the best they could and not knowing where the end was going to be- we all pitched in. I would say this was a time when most people did the best they could and this shows hope with humanity. That essentially most of us are good and we will do the right thing.”
Humanity:
Sacrifice
“I stayed in a separate room so it was a lot of isolation. It was tiring with zero human contact. You know the kids I couldn't give them a hug. It was hard because I said ‘I'm staying away you guys all be safe’ because I was going in and out. And that's where I thought me and my kids were adults but all these young nurses with young kids and they can't give their child a hug–those were big sacrifices.”
Submit your story on Instagram: @southasiansbehindthemask
Song by Nimo Patel and Daniel Nahmod
Film by: Ellie Walton and Nimo Patel
Additional Heart felt footage from Global Family and Friends
Connect with creators of the song and video:
EmptyHandsMusic.org
DanielNahmod.com
EllieWalton.com
Film by: Ellie Walton and Nimo Patel
Additional Heart felt footage from Global Family and Friends
Connect with creators of the song and video:
EmptyHandsMusic.org
DanielNahmod.com
EllieWalton.com
Roshni Bhupendra Shah (she/her) is a heart-led community connector & compassion-driven nurse dedicated to empowering others to be a catalyst for impactful change. Her curiosity for the history behind our humanity and passion for authenticity has served as the foundation for community building projects across Chicago & India. As a Critical Care nurse on the frontlines of the COVID-19 pandemic, the growing demands left little space to unpack the emotional & physical fatigue of working on the front lines. Her project will highlight the mental & spiritual impact of the trauma stemming from the COVID-19 pandemic on South Asian American healthcare workers. Her project seeks to understand the unbearingly heavy burden to serve as “heroes”, while suffering from loss, combating stress and striving for survival despite a large gap in mental health & emotional support. The opportunity to provide healing and create space for narratives from behind the masks of South Asians on the frontline that encapsulate the fully embodied human journey was truly restorative and she hopes this will provide an opportunity for processing & progressing the perspectives of "heroic" sacrifice in the name of service.
The Archival Creators Fellowship Program is made possible with support from The Andrew W. Mellon Foundation and the Institute of Museum and Library Services.
Read Roshni's writings about her fellowship project in TIDES:
• Heroes Are Human
The Archival Creators Fellowship Program is made possible with support from The Andrew W. Mellon Foundation and the Institute of Museum and Library Services.
Read Roshni's writings about her fellowship project in TIDES:
• Heroes Are Human